Have you ever met a Black stay at home mom? Maybe you’re curious to find out if they really exist and what their life is like? Are they rich? Are they poor? Did they make a conscious choice to stay at home with their children or are they forced to do so by certain circumstances?
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It may be difficult to wrap your mind around the existence of Black stay at home moms. Maybe you’re used to seeing Black women work like crazy because they can barely make it with two incomes, let alone one. If this is all you’ve seen, then of course it is hard to imagine anything different!
Looking at the statistics, 77% of Black babies are born to unwed parents (as of 2015). In 2019, 64% of Black children lived in single parent families (source). It doesn’t seem very plausible that Black stay at home moms can exist, especially when most of them are single mothers.
Are There Black Stay At Home Moms?
For years, the rates of Black stay at home moms have been extremely low. According to Pew Social Trends, the rate of Black women staying at home with their children has risen by almost 10% between 2000 and 2012. Majority of these Black women are single mothers. Single motherhood has not deterred Black women from the desire to stay at home with their children.
Black stay at home moms do exist.
I’m one of them. And I’ve also met several others.
When my son was much younger, I found a parenting group that did frequent meetups at the parks. Although I didn’t attend many of the meetups, there was a very lively Facebook group where many of us got to know each other.
The meetups that I did attend rarely had any other Black women. Most of the time it was just me, or maybe one other Black mom. Eventually we found out that there were several of us, we just rarely ever showed up at the same time!
One day, we got the bright idea to start having meetups with just our children. It was really awesome to have so many Black attachment parenting mothers together, many of whom were stay at home mothers.
It was so awesome to be able to discuss things unique to Black mothers. We developed more confidence in our parenting style. It is hard to find support from other Black parents who choose not to spank and parent punitively–we finally had that!
If you are a Black stay at home mom, it is worth it to try and find other Black stay at home moms who fit your parenting style. Try to find a local Facebook group, and also check if there’s a Mocha Moms chapter near you. You should also join the Melanin Moms Homeschool Facebook group–you’ll find tons of great information on curriculum, homeschool styles and more.
Are Black Stay At Home Moms Rich or Poor?
The finances of Black stay at home moms vary, just as they do among other races. I’ve personally never met a rich Black stay at home mom. And I’m far from rich.
In fact, I make many sacrifices in order to stay at home with my son. I could work way more, I could make way more money… but I made a decision to stay at home and support my son in a way I could not if I were working outside the home.
Oh, I also work at home. I own a small business and do various side hustles to make extra income.
The two Black stay at home moms I know best are not rich, either. One also has a business, and the other lives off of one income. They are both working within a budget to be able to stay at home.
We had enough Black moms in our local moms group to form a spin-off group for just Black mothers. It was surprising, but awesome nonetheless. And none of them seemed rich. But none seemed really poor, either.
I’d guess most were somewhere in between. Having enough to make ends meet and afford a few extras.
Are Black Stay At Home Moms Staying Home By Choice Or By Force?
The Black stay at home moms that I have met wanted to stay home to ensure their children get the best life possible. Black children tend to be punished at school way more often and more severely than their White counterparts for the exact same issues (source). They are more likely to be mistreated by teachers, and have their intentions misunderstood.
They are more likely to be labeled as “problem child,” “ADHD,” “slow learners” and the like.
A child being treated in such a way can lead to low self-esteem, bruised confidence, behavior issues and poor outcomes.
Many of us wanted to avoid this for our children.
Some of us also wanted to avoid a White-washed version of history that teaches that slaves loved to be slaves. History that barely pays attention to the accomplishments of Black men and women. It is important for children to see themselves represented in the role models and superheroes of society.
It’s too easy for children to internalize negative perceptions of themselves based on what is taught in school and shown in the media. Avoiding these negative thought patterns from developing is much easier when a child has a parent at home devoting the majority of their time to their care and education.
I’m sure there are Black moms who stay at home because it makes the most sense financially. And some likely stay at home because of other extenuating circumstances. But for a good portion of us, we are making a conscious choice to stay at home with our children and be their full-time caregivers and educators. Many of us also homeschool, as you might have guessed.
How Can I Become A Black Stay At Home Mom?
If you want to become a Black stay at home mom, there are several things you can do.
One of the most important things is to find a way to support your family, of course. To do this, you’ll want to take an honest look at your finances and determine how much money needs to come in on a monthly basis in order to make ends meet, and then go from there. You’ll want to have a bit more than this coming in so that you are not too stressed out. Otherwise you increase your chances of falling victim to stay at home mom burnout.
Once you have determined how much money you need to make ends meet, you can start figuring out how you’re going to make that happen.
Maybe your significant other makes enough money already and you can cut back on some expenses to make it happen.
If you’re a single mother, maybe that means downsizing, finding a new job that will allow you to work from home with flexible hours, starting your own business, moving in with another family member or friend.
Only you know what you are willing to change to make it happen. But, I know that you can find a way if you really want to be a stay at home mom. You might also check out this post on how to homeschool as a single mom for more tips.
I hoped this helped open your eyes to the world of Black moms who stay at home with their children.
Just like any other “type” of mom, we have different parenting styles, ideologies, financial situations, family structures, etc.
You’d be hardpressed to find two Black stay at home moms who fit into a mold. We are all different.
Where we are all similar is our love for our children and our desire to raise our children knowing they are loved and can always count on mom.
If you want to be a Black stay at home mom, put your thinking cap on. You can find a way to do what you feel is best for your children!